To those who know me knows that i keep bottling up my feelings. I got a confession to make. Sooner or later i might just lose it. This is killing me bad. Assfghjkl

"Angels"

Three years of something I call love
When the phone calls and photographs were never enough
To save a heart that’s been broken so close to screaming
This can’t be happening, I must be dreaming
What’s the worst that could happen? I never knew
When all I ever wanted was to get away from you
But now the possible’s impossible and I can’t refuse
Grab all your dreams and raise all your glasses

Let’s toast to the lucky ones
To the girl that just broke my heart
I can’t breathe after all that you’ve told me
You took my heart and made me melt again

I could never imagine we’d end up this way
After all that we went through now I’m fighting through the pain
It’s like this heart that’s been broken is so close to screaming
Was ripped from my chest and I can’t stop the bleeding

Now we all fall for the bad ones
They’ll just break us cause we’re so young, dumb and vulnerable
Young and vulnerable

Here’s a toast to the lucky ones
To the girl that just broke my heart
I can’t breathe after all that you’ve told me
You took my heart and made me melt again

(You ripped apart these pages)
I can’t breathe
(Our book was overrated)
After all that you’ve told me
(This brings up all these questions, tell me what just happened)
You took my heart and made me melt again
(I’ll say)

I put your picture in a frame that stands at the side of my bed
So whenever I get sad I can stare at your face
And hope and pray that I won’t forget
When all I remember is talking is cheap and your lies were expensive
And god only knows when I’ll come to my senses
Now I can’t breathe at all (now I can’t breathe)

Here’s a toast (here's a toast) to the lucky ones (to the lucky ones)
To the girl that just broke my heart
(You ripped apart these pages)
I can’t breathe
(Our book was overrated)
After all that you’ve told me
(This brings up all these questions, tell me what happened)
You took my heart and made me melt again
(I’ll say)

(You ripped apart these pages)
I can’t breathe
(Our book was overrated)
After all that you’ve told me
(This brings up all these questions, tell me what happened)
You took my heart and made me melt again
(I’ll say)
Tell me what just happened

how do you run from whats inside your head? 

rainy days

every now and then i wished i didnt stop talking to you.

how i wish things didnt end, i wonder where will we be right now.

SIGH SIGH SIGH

on a brighter note, going to dashboard confessional final tour tomorrow!!

softcore

pianos become the teeth - filial

Lonely nights.

Dont be deceived by how happy i may look or sound.

we live in a world full of propaganda. for instance, just read the news paper or watch the news. media is telling people what we want/need to hear. you dont hear them telling the truth about anything such as government or whats their real intention. everything is classified. there is so much going on in my mind but its all politics so imma skip it. im only 20 and somehow, lepak with those abangs-abangs is actually not bad afterall. they taught me things you dont learn in school. really glad i met them actually cause now i have a better picture.

I feel like i have been cheated. Im not hoping for something in return but for fuck sake at least an explanation. This is unfair. Real unfair.

already the second week of intern and i feel like dying already. my work is fairly easy and damn lepak actually. but the thought of doing nothing and just using your eye power.......oh my god(in janice's voice) that terrible. but other than thatttttttttt 3 hours lunch break plus multiple smoke  break. hehehehe. die early only normal pe.
okay byebybye

12 through 15 - Mayday Parade

go listennnnnnnnn. so far my fav song for this album yetttttt. hehe

Left with less than 2 weeks of holidays before intern starts and i actually cant wait for it to start tho. However, cant believe that time is moving so damn fast that by next year i will be serving the country. Oh God. Plus after 2 years of hell, what am i supposed to do? I know i have decided to be a teacher when i grow up but the thought of it is tiring. I wanna go to school and study(chey fake) hahahaha. But really, we are growing up way too fast. Probably in a blink of an eye, i will receive an invitation to my friends wedding. Hahahaha. Time needs to slow downnnnn!!
And oh yes my GPA sucks. But at least i know im graduating!! Hehehehehe

On a sad note, i still havent told anyone about this. I know i probably should but i shouldnt. People have their own problems and i dont want to suffocate them. Oh wells...

HALP

Seeing you and everything flashes back. All those small talks, little fights and those rolling eyes moment. Not forgetting that you have a sweet smile. Ughhj. Hate this. 

If only i could talk to someone about this... 

Recently i have went for two awesome concerts. The Maine and ARTTM. Kinda glad that i actually went for both. During the concert the lead singer will usually talk about them and i realised that both of them are very different believers. ARTTM believes strongly while The Maine is against it. Shocking really to know that he actually had a bad rs with his ex. Actually by telling you guys this, i have actually wasted 10 mins of your life cause by now you would want to kill me now. Ha ha ha. 

Anyway im having my holidays now and kinda bored cause i have no work and really got nothing to do at home... See at times like this i need a companion. At least a cat. We could lie down and purr all day long together. Kinda jealous to those people who has cats tho. Hehehehehehe i am bored lalalalaalalala bai

“sometimes we feel lonely for no apparent reason, and strangely to heal this loneliness, being alone is the remedy. oh the irony”

“i will always love you, even when you go somewhere so far away. even when you leave me, even when the world falls apart, i’ll always love you. and i guess you’ll never know, i guess you’ll never know..”

When i close my eyes to imagine me and you, all i can see is happiness filled with laughters and romance. But the fact that the chances of this scenario to happen is slim is just ugh.

FUCKING UPSET

So fucking unfair. You didnt give me any fucking chance, at all. Dont even have the decency to tell me. Fuck this shit. Fuck you.

Maybe afterall youre my wonderwall..

I need a jar to isolate this feeling. Or better yet, remove this stupid thing called "feelings" away from me. I dont need it.

Everyday i hope for better things to come. But day by day im just losing hope and it sucks.

#lonelynights #thosedays

and i could call you baby doll all the time and you whisper in my ears and say....

because mayday parade is so depressing, and that is the reason why i love them so much. muah muah.

No one ever stays with us forever. People tend to leave and that sucks. Worst thing when people change...for the worst. Come back. Lol.

i hate the new you. the new you sucks.

I feel neglected. Cant believe things changing fast for you. Hais.

Long post

I have been wanting to rant about kids nowadays. Kids noawadays thinks that growing up is cool and being a teenager sucks. Tbh, im turning 20 this year and im pretty much not happy about it. I actually hoping that time would really slow down, but what can i do, time waits for no one. Being a teenager is fun and awesome, i had so much fun when i was in secondary school doing stupid stuffs and all. But kids now, all dressing up to town for underage party, smoking, act all big with their swag outfit. Fuck that. You guys gotta learn to tone it down. Cherish these underage moments cause the govt cant do much shit to you. I really hope that the future gen kids wont be as terrible as now, but i highly doubt so. I pray for humanity.

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In other news, i cant wait for school to end. Kinda excited for intership tho, neeting new people and learning new stuffs is always fun but after some time, it tends to get boring. Heh. Plus, aft grad, NS and i have been thinking what am i supposed to do aft NS. I wanna become a maths teacher teaching in sec sch but i heard i need at least a degree and the fact that i might considering to continue uni is a another option. The only problem is money i guess, sg education is too expensive and its rather selfish of them to make us pay so much to study. Shall not elaborate on that. Waaaah, so much things to think about eh.  Hais hais hais.

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And recently dad hasnt been quite strong for fasting. He is quite old now and i think his sugar level is too low. Everytime when we are about to break fast, he will hallucinate and that what scares me the most. My dad quite stubborn also, told him not to fast but still do. Maybe my mom was right, she says that "orang yang sakit nak puasa tapi yang sihat tknk puasa" this is so relatable but i shall not say name. That is between them and Allah SWT. Hope my father can hold on a bit more. 

I am fine = i feel shitty, help me im miserable.
But really, im fine.

.2 broke girls is damn good. love max's sarcasmmmmmmmm. really love to meet someone as sarcastic as her cause that would be damn awesome. hahahhaa. cant wait to get season 2 from muz this wed. heh heh heh

Sigh

Kinda sucks knowing that im not part of it. Really am. 

Anyway Selamat Berpuasa to all muslims! 

Nobody have ever ask me "how are you doing" or "are you okay" sick and tired of being the middle man. Sick of doing all the work.  Just sick and tired of everything.
One of those nights where i feel that everything sucks and running away is a good idea. Meh.

you

just dont forget to think positive, babe.

sup

i have a very awkward relationship with my family. when we come together to eat, i would just sit on the chair, not saying anything till someone talk to me. and when it does happen, prolly my ans would be "uhhh" hahahahah. fuckkkkkk. gotta learn to talk more with my family.

anyway, currently its the 8th week and next tues will be our last day to eat before puasa starts. aft that, 4 weeks of puasa, prolly 2 weeks of sch food and intern. time flies, fast.

Did I ever tell you that I really love you and I think about you all day? I really miss you and wish I could kiss you, but why are you so far away? Since you've been gone, I've thought over and over about you inside my head and where I went wrong, where I went wrong. Every day, I've been thinking a lot about all of the things you'd say since I went away, since I went away.I guess I could call you and ask you "How are you?" but I really don't have much to say. I sit all alone and I stare at the phone and I hope that you're doing ok - k.roe

counting the days. currently, its day 10.

But three days later
Went 'round to see her
But she was with another guy
And I said fine
But I never asked her why
And since then loneliness has been a friend of mine

one thing about music, it speaks for itself.

and i dont feel right this past few days. need to play soccer man.

need to let it outtttttttttttttt...........

ugh, gotta sleep. got mid term assessment plus amaths ut tomorrow.

gotta rest my mind. nighttttttttz

for all that is worth, is it worth it.

meh

I know that this wont go far, but its nice knowing if it will go anywhere tho. Keep believing in this false hope and idk why. I need help! Anyone?

having my holidays now, and honestly it sucks. i hate going to school honestly, but i hate staying at home. i really really want to go out, but money is a very huge problem for me. partly because im not working and i feel ashamed to ask money from my parents. just waiting for my intern to start and hopefully i get my bursary money. so much things to buy, so little money. sighpie.
so before i say goodbye for this post, here's a very good song by jimmy eat world. enjoy guys!

LONG TIME NO BLOG. HI. HOLIDAYS ARE JUST AROUND THE CORNER. CANT WAIT FOR HOLIDAYS TO COME. COME FASTER PLEASE. (ACTUALLY TOMORROW LAST DAY LA, BUT FYP. DAMN SIANZXZ) HAHAHAA. i dont even know why i caps la just now. actually got nothing to blog also. life sucks without work actually, cause no money. damn sad liao. hehehehe, okay nak tido la. bai, nights.

i love maths. i know how much people hate maths, but not me. i love doing maths. i really hope that my dream of becoming a maths teacher will come true. Amin!

serious la, abang just did one stupid thing. the fact that i hate to see my mother cry in front of me. hais, i feel like shit now...

I am really happy for you. And i know you are. But i wish i was a part of it. Sucks to be me.

I miss you. I miss the way you smile. I miss the way you blush when i disturbed you. I miss the empty talks we had.  I miss giving sarcastic comment and you will give me the 'i am annoyed' face at me. I miss sharing stuffs with you. I miss our gossip talk. I miss the way you give the nerdy talks that i hate so much. I miss the time that we had together. I miss you.

Typical of me saying this but i really miss you. Come back, i need you.
(Things i dont dare to say or confess)
(Really hope that somehow you will found my blog and read this and knows how much i miss you)

Keep having doubts. Really need to clear my head. Clear before school reopen. I forsee my results for this current sem would be terrible so i really need to do harder for the next, hopefully final sem. Anyway, as you all know i went to taiwan last week and already am missing the weather there. Singapore or as the locals there called it chingchapore is very warm and sunny. Ugh, why cant we have all 4 seasons! This is so unfair! Time to sleep! Nights!

Knowing the chance is pretty much slim. I rather take the risk. I dont want to be the guy who regrets on the things he doesnt do. The outcome may or may not change but always keep a positive attitude and an open mind.

i need closure. a closure would be nice.

i need closure. a closure would be nice.

i have little faith in myself when it comes to this.

Another night, another dream wasted on you.

Out of the people, i know he deserves it more than i do. #makingimpromptudecision #idkwhatimdoing hais hais hais. Heartache la

have been working for four days straight and well, i got my momentum and now, back to school and back to life. hahaha. on a brighter note, its the last 2 days of school! i predict i have a very tight and short upcoming holiday. will be busy working, and there's my bbq follow by ATL concert and plus going to taiwan. and not forgetting helping my course mate in an immersion program. woah, i think i really need to make a schedule for myself in case there is a meet up, but i doubt so. so yah, till im free goodnight!

11.11 i wish we were on talking terms.
FML, things will never go my way.

"Without money, we will all be rich."

2 more weeks left of school and im done. really cant wait for this sem to end. cause firstly, i cant wait to meet ATL again. second, the next sem is considered my last sem in school and who doesnt like that? third, prolly going taiwan with course mates. life's pretty good right. yes, be jealous people. its hard to be awesome as me. hahahaha. ok now my eyes are telling to fucking go to sleep, so i shall. okay good night people!

Did I ever tell you that I really love you and I think about you all day? I really miss you and wish I could kiss you, but why are you so far away? Since you've been gone, I've thought over and over about you inside my head and where I went wrong, where I went wrong. Every day, I've been thinking a lot about all of the things you'd say since I went away, since I went away.I guess I could call you and ask you "How are you?" but I really don't have much to say. I sit all alone and I stare at the phone and I hope that you're doing ok - k.roe

i secretly wish that you somehow accidentally found my blog and read this cause, this.

this, is for you.

FYP team is out. hate my course for not letting us to choose our team. i want to be in the same team as my friends la fuck. the other 3 are all foreigners. you could say we are international! ha-ha. ugh, but luckily, i have shelly! hehehe. clever Vietnamese girl. but the other one shawn.......ugh, so much for being european. youre a disgrace dude. fucking weird guy. and alfred, well he's ok. hahahha. but still. i dont have any friends!! ugh, hate it hate it.

and i would like to say thanks to a special friend of mine who has always been looking out for me. you know who you are (':

i think this blog too exposed already, luckily i have another private blog to pour my lousy feeling. anyway, goodnight!

Recently i have been feeling lonely and i dont know why. I am surrounded with good company but its not enough. Maybe i feel a bit left out cus most of my good friends are in rs, leaving me alone. Im happy for them really but ugh, so frustating being alone. No one to rant to. But its okay la, have been like this since forever. So i got this undet control. Hahahha. I wonder how does it feels like being someone priority. Mhmmm.
Idk why suddenly i feel all emo and mushy. I think this are those days where i cant stop thinking about you. Sometimes i wish the rumour was true. Hais, story of my life.

its the start of the new year and i feel weak. what is feeling. i hate feeling.
Happy New Year guys!